How do I know if the guy I'm talking to online is real?

In the age of online dating and digital communication, meeting new people through the internet has become the norm. While many people form genuine and lasting relationships online, there are also risks of encountering individuals who aren’t as authentic as they seem. Whether you’re meeting someone on a dating site, through social media, or in a chat room, it’s important to be able to tell if the guy you’re talking to is real—or if he’s hiding behind a screen.

Here’s how you can identify if the guy you’re talking to online is genuine, along with red flags to watch out for and tips on ensuring your online interactions are safe and authentic.

1. Check His Profile and Photos

One of the first steps in determining if someone is real is by examining their online profile and photos closely. If the guy is authentic, his online presence should reflect consistency and credibility.

Red Flags to Look For:

  • Stock or Professional Photos: If his profile pictures look too polished or professional—especially if they appear to be taken from a photo shoot or look like stock photos—this could be a sign that he’s not who he says he is.
  • Unrealistic Photos: If the photos look too perfect (e.g., model-like poses with unrealistic settings), it could be a red flag.
  • No Other Social Media Presence: If the guy only has one account with limited information or pictures, and there’s no trace of him anywhere else on the internet (like Facebook, LinkedIn, or Instagram), this can be suspicious.

Why It Happens:

People who are hiding behind fake identities often use stock images or professional photos to appear more appealing or convincing. Authentic people usually have more varied and real photos that reflect their true selves and lives.

2. Ask to Video Chat or Talk on the Phone

One of the best ways to verify if someone is real is to ask for a video call or phone conversation. If the person is genuine and interested in developing a real connection, they’ll likely be open to this.

Red Flags to Look For:

  • Refusal to video chat or talk on the phone: If he repeatedly avoids video calls or phone conversations, making excuses like “My camera is broken” or “I don’t like being on video,” it’s a red flag.
  • Inconsistent behavior during calls: If he agrees to a call but appears distracted, gives vague answers, or avoids showing his face, this could suggest that something isn’t quite right.

Why It Happens:

Avoiding video calls is one of the most common signs of a fake profile. If a person is unwilling to engage in live communication, it could mean they’re hiding behind a false identity.

3. Verify His Story

If the guy you’re talking to claims to have a specific background, career, or life situation, take the time to verify his story. Genuine individuals will have consistency in the details they provide over time.

Red Flags to Look For:

  • Inconsistent details: If the details about his life or background change frequently, such as his job, hobbies, or even his name, this can indicate dishonesty or a fake identity.
  • Overly dramatic or complicated backstory: If his story seems too complicated, dramatic, or filled with too many tragedies or exciting events that don’t add up, be cautious.
  • Avoidance of personal questions: If he becomes defensive or avoids questions about his personal life, this might indicate that he’s hiding something.

Why It Happens:

People with fake profiles often make up elaborate backstories to seem more interesting or to manipulate emotions. Consistent details and transparency are key signs of an authentic person.

4. Check for Red Flags of “Catfishing”

“Catfishing” is when someone creates a fake online persona to deceive others, often for personal gain. It’s important to be aware of the common signs of catfishing.

Red Flags to Look For:

  • Requests for money or gifts: If he asks for money, gift cards, or any kind of financial help early in your conversations (especially if you haven’t met in person), it’s a big red flag.
  • Too much emotional manipulation: If he professes love or intense emotions too soon or uses guilt or sympathy to manipulate you, he could be trying to reel you in emotionally to exploit your feelings.
  • Too good to be true: If everything about him seems perfect and he seems flawless, he might not be who he says he is.

Why It Happens:

Catfishers often create fake profiles to deceive people into giving them money, personal information, or emotional attention. They may prey on individuals’ emotions to gain their trust and exploit them.

5. Search for His Online Presence

Another way to verify if the guy is real is to look for him elsewhere on the internet. A genuine person is likely to have some kind of online presence beyond the platform you met on.

Red Flags to Look For:

  • No social media activity: If you can’t find him anywhere else on the internet (no Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, or even traces of his name in other search results), this could be a sign that the person is not authentic.
  • New or limited online presence: If his social media accounts look newly created, or they only contain a few posts with minimal interaction, this could suggest that he is hiding something.

Why It Happens:

People who are creating fake identities often don’t have a substantial online presence, or their presence may be fabricated to avoid detection.

6. Pay Attention to His Communication Style

How a guy communicates can reveal a lot about whether he’s real or not. Genuine people will engage in more thoughtful and respectful conversations, while someone who’s being dishonest might be vague, distant, or overly scripted.

Red Flags to Look For:

  • Overly formal or robotic responses: If his responses sound scripted or too perfect (as if he’s reading from a script), it may indicate that he’s not a real person or he’s simply trying to impress you.
  • Vague or short responses: If his messages feel detached, overly vague, or unengaging, it might be a sign he’s not investing in the conversation.
  • Too much flattery or overly intimate too soon: While compliments can be nice, if someone showers you with excessive praise, especially early in the conversation, it can sometimes be a tactic used to manipulate or control.

Why It Happens:

Fake profiles often rely on scripted lines or generic responses that lack genuine engagement. A real person will take the time to have meaningful and engaging conversations that feel natural.

7. Trust Your Gut Feeling

Sometimes, the best way to tell if a guy is real is by trusting your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right or if you feel uncomfortable with certain aspects of your communication, it’s important to listen to that inner voice.

Red Flags to Look For:

  • You feel uneasy: If you constantly feel unsure or anxious about the guy’s authenticity, there’s a reason for that. Trust your gut feeling, and don’t ignore any red flags you observe.
  • Pressure or manipulation: If he pressures you to share personal information too soon or makes you feel guilty for questioning him, it’s a clear sign that he may not be genuine.

Why It Happens:

Your instincts are your brain’s way of processing subtle cues and warning you when something feels off. It’s always important to trust how you feel in any situation, particularly when engaging with someone online.

8. Ask for References or Mutual Connections

If you’ve built a rapport with someone online and you feel comfortable doing so, asking for mutual connections or references can help verify their authenticity.

Red Flags to Look For:

  • He has no mutual connections: If you’re unable to find any mutual acquaintances or anyone who can vouch for him, this might be a sign that he’s hiding behind a false identity.
  • He avoids introducing you to friends or family: A real person who’s serious about you will want to integrate you into his life and introduce you to people he cares about.

Why It Happens:

People who are using fake identities are usually not connected to the real world in ways that are verifiable. Genuine people will have mutual friends or connections to show they are who they claim to be.


Conclusion: Stay Safe and Trustworthy

When meeting someone online, especially in the context of dating or forming friendships, it’s important to remain cautious and aware. While many people you meet online will be authentic and genuine, there are also those who may have ulterior motives.

By carefully considering the red flags, verifying his story, and asking for a video chat or phone call, you can assess whether the guy you’re talking to is real or not. Trust your instincts and take your time getting to know the person. If anything feels off or makes you uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to end the conversation and move on.

Ultimately, an honest and real connection is built on trust, mutual respect, and transparency.